Last Updated on March 10, 2023 by Corynn
You and your boyfriend are thinking about moving in together? Wondering where to start? Well, you come to the right place!
According to the Journal of Marriage and Family, a study in 2018 showed couples who lived together before marriage were less to have arguments than couples who moved in together after marriage.
Since living together before marriage has become common. It seems to limit the negative response of living together before marriage. For instance, your parents may be likely okay with you moving in with your boyfriend. You may also see some of your own friends doing the same thing!
So Why Does Living Together Before Marriage Get Such a Bad Rep?
Well, some cultures/religions state that it is a sin to live together before marriage due to the temptation of what could happen. You’ll be acting as a husband/wife without having the ring on your finger.
When you move in with someone, it’s not the same as going to a hotel for the weekend or even spending the day with each other.
You will be seeing this person every single day 24/7. You’ll most likely be cooking, cleaning, sharing various responsibilities with this person. You’ll see your boyfriend in a whole new light.
How do I know I’m ready to Move In with My boyfriend?
Simple! Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see if you are ready for the next step.
1) Is This a Serious Relationship?
Do you love them? Can you picture a future with them? Knowing where you stand in your relationship before moving out together can help you both stay on the same page.
2) Where are You in Your Life Right Now?
This question is for both of you. Does he have a job? Do you have a job? How is your spending? Are you a saver or a spender?
Are you currently in school? Does he want to go back to school? How is both of your credit score?
All those questions I just asked will determine if you are financially ready to move out. Moving out the cost can be anywhere between $3000 to $10,000. If you live with your parents right now then there is no rush to move out if you are not financially ready.
If you can move out, create a budget and try to stick to it for a couple of months. Do you need to cut back on any expenses? Do you need to save more?
3) Have you Taken a Trip Together?
Have you both taken a trip together? Even if it’s just a weekend? I took a trip to Mexico with my boyfriend (who is now my fiancé) and even though the trip was only 5 days we learned so much about each other.
Our morning routine, our night routine, what he does during the day, how he throws his clothes on the ground (sorry for calling you out babe!).
Going on that Mexico trip, made me realize that yes I could live with him. I’m not saying 5 days determined what life could be with him. Although those 5 days I learned so much about him and that yes I’m able to live with him.
Due to some cultures/religions, this may not be possible and that okay! You don’t have to do this! Even spending the day with your partner can help you to determined how they are.
4) Do you See Marriage in the Future?
If you see yourself marrying this person in the future, then great! Both of you must be on the same page before moving in with each other.
Although if you don’t see a future with this person or your boyfriend doesn’t see a future with you then I highly suggest waiting it out.
I am a strong believer in moving in together with a purpose. I notice guys these days (Not all men!) tend to get comfortable in a relationship. The reason when getting comfortable in a relationship, it’s because we women do not say what we want.
If you see yourself wanting to marry this guy then tell him! Do not wait until you move in together to figure out what you want. Because moving in together without a plan is not going to last. Trust me.
Unless you don’t believe in marriage then I highly suggest having that conversation with your partner. Just to be on the right page.
5) How is His Relationship With His Parents?
Now you’re probably curious as to why I’m bringing in their parents into this discussion. Well, you’ll notice how they are being treated by their parents, and/or how they treat their parents is partly a glimpse of what you’ll see living together.
Do his parents give him everything he wants? Did his parents teach him how to cook? Do his parents allow him to be independent? Does his mom still clean his room? (Trust me, they are moms out there who still clean their adult child’s room!)
Based on your answers. If he is still dependent on his parents in ways he shouldn’t (cooking, cleaning, responsibilities) then wait. The stuff his parents do for him will now be passed on to you.
You don’t want that.
You want to be able to share the responsibilities of the household. It’ll be a lot on you to be doing all the work!
6) Are You Both on The Same Page?
Before moving in you want to be assured that everything will be okay and that you know what your boyfriend is also thinking of as well.
Sit down, write out a series of questions you both want to ask each other. Such as “what annoys you the most?” “If you were stranded on an island what would you bring with you?”
If you need some help, you can always check out my 15 Relationship Questions to ask your Partner!
7) How do You Feel About Moving in Together?
Now focus on how you feel. Are you ready to move out? Do you feel this relationship is the one? Make sure you take the time to think it through before making a final decision.
If you feel like you’re not ready to move out then let them know. Open communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.
At the end of the day deep down you know when it’s time to move in together. Follow your heart and stick to it!
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